I asked my mom to help care for my newborn so I can return to work when my leave ends. She’s 64 and has been a homemaker since the early 1990s, so she isn’t working outside the home.
She flat-out refused at first, saying she’s too old and that she already raised her kids. Then she added that if I truly wanted this baby, I should’ve planned to stay home like she did, while my partner works and supports us like a “traditional” family—basically implying that if she and my dad made it work, we should too.
But that isn’t realistic for us. My partner and I can’t survive on one income. I’m the higher earner, and going back to work isn’t optional—it’s what keeps us afloat. We’re currently in a small one-bedroom in a metro area, and we’re trying to save to move into a two-bedroom in a couple of years as the baby grows and we need space.
When I explained all of that, my mom changed her stance—sort of. She said she will watch the baby, but only if I pay her $20 an hour, plus late fees if we’re late picking the baby up. On top of that, she expects us to provide a car seat, stroller, bottles, and basically duplicates of everything we already have—so she’s fully stocked at her house too.
The problem is, we’re trying to pay down debt and stabilize our finances. Paying her that rate and buying doubles of everything would push us further into debt, not help us out. So now I’m seriously considering enrolling my baby in an infant daycare instead, because it would likely cost less overall and be closer to home. We also can’t work from home, and everyone else in our family works full-time too, so we’re desperate for reliable childcare.
So… am I really wrong for hoping my mom—who is home most days—would help us out without turning it into a paid job, while my partner and I try to get our finances under control?
