We recently heard from a reader who shared a deeply personal story—one that began with heartbreak and ended in something even colder than silence. After years of trying to have a baby, she finally received a painful diagnosis and turned to her mother for comfort. Instead of support, she was met with harsh judgment disguised as “truth”—and it left a wound far deeper than the diagnosis itself.
Here’s her story, in her own words:
After years of trying, I was diagnosed with infertility. I felt like my world collapsed. I finally told my mom, hoping she would hold me up through it.
She didn’t.
She looked at me and said, “Maybe it’s karma for that abortion you had in college. Life has a way of teaching lessons.”
I couldn’t even respond. I just walked away.
Months later, I cut her out of my life completely—no calls, no visits, nothing. She kept messaging me, saying I was being dramatic and that I was “punishing her for being honest.” Eventually, I blocked her.
Then last week, a letter showed up in my mailbox.
No apology. No regret.
Just a printed adoption flyer… circled with one sentence written on it:
“You still have options.”
I laughed. Then I cried.
And I threw it straight into the trash.
The Silent Struggle: How Infertility Affects Mental Health
Infertility impacts millions of people, yet the emotional weight of it is still rarely talked about. Around 1 in 8 couples struggle to conceive or carry a pregnancy to term—and behind that number are people quietly dealing with grief, frustration, and isolation.
Mental health professionals often describe infertility as more than a medical issue. It can feel like a deep personal loss—one that affects identity, relationships, and everyday life. Many people experience waves of sadness, anger, shame, and loneliness, especially when surrounded by friends or family members who seem to have what they’re longing for.
Stress, Anxiety, and Depression Often Go Hand-in-Hand
Trying to conceive—especially with fertility treatments like IVF—can become a cycle of hope and heartbreak. Studies have shown that up to 40% of women dealing with infertility also experience depression or anxiety. Men are affected as well, though women often report higher emotional distress.
Even with that, very few people reach out for professional help. Research suggests that less than 7% of those going through fertility treatment receive mental health support—despite the fact that therapy, counseling, and support groups can significantly reduce emotional strain.
Treatments Can Impact Mood (And What Helps)
Fertility treatments are not just physically exhausting—they can take a serious emotional toll. Medication side effects may include mood swings, irritability, anxiety, and depressive symptoms. And every failed attempt adds another layer of grief.
If the emotional weight becomes overwhelming, some people benefit from speaking with a doctor about mental health options. Certain medications may be safe, but it’s important to discuss choices carefully, since some can affect fertility.
Helpful ways to cope:
-
Let yourself feel it — grief and frustration are real and valid
-
Talk openly with your partner — you may process pain differently
-
Set boundaries with family or social events that trigger you
-
Learn what you can — information can reduce fear and uncertainty
-
Find support — groups or therapy can help you feel less alone
Infertility doesn’t just test your body—it tests your heart… and sometimes, the relationships you hoped would hold you up the most.
